I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize