turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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