Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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