need another drink. this is the easiest way
4 words: hood of his car
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize