You smell like stripper and shame
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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