There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
