if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
