So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
