so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize