I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
