My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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