Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
