if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
