I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
