Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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