I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
