This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
