this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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