You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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