i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
