dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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