Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
