thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you win again, gameday.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
