I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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