I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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