this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize