can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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