Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
