Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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