would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
