If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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