I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
