I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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