I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
