Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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