Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
