Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
