I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
