i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
