i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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