I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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