Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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