My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
