I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
