If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
