This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
