Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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