Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
