Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
