Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
