i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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