my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
