you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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