oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
