mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
