If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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