someone get that fucking seahorse.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize