It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize