Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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