Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
