Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
