Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
