I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
