I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
