If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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