I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
