I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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