Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
