Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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