I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
