11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize