well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
