every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
