I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize