i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
