She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
