Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
