If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
