btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
