fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
