cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
