96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
