I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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