Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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