We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
