threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
