Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
