im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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