I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
