So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize