ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
