I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
