Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
