i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
