im six kinds of drunk right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So much Jack, so little girl.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize