dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
