Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
