I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize