we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
