So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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