He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i out mim tonsoeep
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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