I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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