I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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