talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
